Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
