i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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