I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
