I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
