Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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