I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
