this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Pooping to opera.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
