I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Acid is not a monday night drug
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
