Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
