I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
