Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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