oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
