honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
