Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
