i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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