you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
