i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
