he puts the penis in happiness.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
