i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
