I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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