Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
