No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
