Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
