Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
