i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
