Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
