for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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