I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
