Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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