I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
