Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
