I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
