Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it's great music for shaving your balls
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
