I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
