I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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