I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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