i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want to be your penis for a week.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.