U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.