Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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