i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.