i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
