Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."

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(850): I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House." http://tfl.nu/nesx

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(510): View more from California

I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series

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(510): I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series http://tfl.nu/wka4

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(303): View more from Colorado

And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?

(1-303): View more from Colorado

That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence

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(303): And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open? (1-303): That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence http://tfl.nu/qwl7

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(970): View more from Colorado

Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.

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(970): Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game. http://tfl.nu/c0fd

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(847): View more from Illinois

Just so you know, I have a bf.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.

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(847): Just so you know, I have a bf. (405): I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful. http://tfl.nu/esk6

Replies (7) Good night (4195) Bad night (806)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.

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(443): I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding. http://tfl.nu/l068

Replies (25) Good night (1668) Bad night (6918)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.

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(479): She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink. http://tfl.nu/g05p

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(917): View more from New York City

still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.

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(917): still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet. http://tfl.nu/v49x

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(734): View more from Michigan

Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?

(1-734): View more from Michigan

How did the beer even get there in the first place?

(734): View more from Michigan

That's not what's important right now

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(734): Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina? (1-734): How did the beer even get there in the first place? (734): That's not what's important right now http://tfl.nu/17l2

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(330): View more from Ohio

beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it

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(330): beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it http://tfl.nu/hhxp

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(225): View more from Louisiana

we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table

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(225): we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table http://tfl.nu/ufec

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(903): View more from Texas

You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.

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(903): You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss. http://tfl.nu/y1tc

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(740): View more from Ohio

I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit

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(740): I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit http://tfl.nu/8mkh

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(510): View more from California

So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.

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(510): So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor. http://tfl.nu/fpi2

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(805): View more from California

I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift

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(805): I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift http://tfl.nu/may0

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