Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
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Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.