Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
