you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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