I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
