dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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