Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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