Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
