I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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