This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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