I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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