I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
