I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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