Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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