Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I AM VODKA MAN
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
