i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dignity is for republicans.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
