I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
