it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
