I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm getting married
To pizza
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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