I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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