Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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