Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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