I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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