I feel like I'm in dance class right now
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
