I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
