So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize