Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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