My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
