It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
