i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
