why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
