Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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