i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
