Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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