I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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